I don't fancy myself a worrier.
My family as it stands is made up of a handful of women who are powerful, capable, and strong; and it's an understatement to say that I am proud to be one of them - to stand beside these women and call them mother, sister, sister.
I grew up as a daughter of the strongest woman I know; and I like to think that even just a shred of my mother's confidence rubbed off on me. If not for genetics' sake, then at the very least because it's hard not to take it to heart when you're told over and over again throughout the course of your life that you need not worry, because everything's going to be just fine. Because after all, really, hasn't it always been?
Then I became a mother myself, though. I opted to form and raise up a small and ever-growing person, totally independent of me, albeit with an intent to raise her up to be powerful, capable and strong all on her own - but in doing so, I set free a very piece of myself to walk freely around, out and off into the world, without being so much as tethered to me by some unbreakable umbilical cord. (Or even just one of those leashed backpacks.)
And so as it turns out, I can't seem to shake but an ounce of worry that something's going to happen; not to her, though - but to me. Because whereas before motherhood I mattered, yes, but I matter now exponentially more so. I don't just belong to myself anymore.
I'm somebody's mother. But more importantly, I'm Margot's mama. I'm the one who does up the zipper on her pyjamas before bed ("Do up the snaps, mama! NO, dada! Mama do it!!"), the one who rubs her back if she wakes up from a bad dream, and the one who just...is. And this is not to say that nobody else in the universe can provide that girl with comfort, support, and zipped-up pyjamas at nighttime, but dare we not admit that nobody but nobody will ever replace our mother?
What I am remembering, though, is that I am not a person made up of microscopic mother-cells. A mother I am, of course, but as I have said before, I am not defined by this. Those cells that have banded together in order to act as this living, breathing me are exactly that: they're me-cells.
And so above and beyond all that may worry me - regardless of any moment in which I succumb briefly to fear - in spite of any of those exaggerated and fleeting moments of anxiety - I know that it's my responsibility - and my privilege - to go forth into the world and be me.